cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
