So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
