There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize