If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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