we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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