May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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