he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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