PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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