There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
