Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
