I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
