Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
