Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
