you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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