Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
