if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
