i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
