Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
