after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So much rum. So many feels.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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