What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When are your genitals available?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
