Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
