did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
