Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
