I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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