I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
