You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
