They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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