dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize