I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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