It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
