In the future we'll all be gay
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
