come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
