Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
