I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
