You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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