I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
