I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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