the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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