oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize