Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
