It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize