that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
