and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
