I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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