Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
