I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
