Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
