my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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