I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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