I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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