i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I cut my penus on the lid.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
