last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
