i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize