I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
