Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
