A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
