just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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