Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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