everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
