i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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