I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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