rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
