Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
