I will die if light touches me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
