Do you still have your period?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
