i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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