I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
