is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize