Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
