i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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