I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
