It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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