I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
