have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
