No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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