I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
