dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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